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TELEVISION SOUND FILES


(Clips from the following TV shows listed alphabetically)
The A-Team, Absolutely Fabulous, All In The Family, Ally McBeal, The Andy Griffith Show, Batman, Becker, Bette, The Black Adder, Cheers, Dawson's Creek, Dharma & Greg, Dragnet, The Drew Carey Show, Ed, Everybody Loves Raymond, Fawlty Towers, Frasier, Friends, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Honeymooners, The Howdy Doody Show, The Incredible Hulk, I Love Lucy, Just Shoot Me, King of Queens, Leave it to Beaver, The Little Rascals, The Lone Gunmen, Lost In Space, Malcom In The Middle, Married With Children, Max Headroom, Mr. Ed, Monty Python's Flying Circus, The Nanny, The New Detectives, NewsRadio, The Outer Limits, Pee Wee Herman, The Prisoner, Roseanne, Saturday Night Live, Seinfeld, Sesame Street, The Sopranos, Spin City, Star Trek, Star Trek NG, Star Trek Voyager, Still Standing, Superman, That 70's Show, The Three Stooges, 3rd Rock From The Sun, Titus, The Twilight Zone, The Weakest Link, Welcome Back Kotter, Whose Line Is It Anyway?, Will & Grace, The X-Files, Xena Warrior Princess, Yes, Dear


"Say, are we a groovie happening bunch of guys or what?"
62KB - Source: Male/Murdock(Dwight Schultz)/The A-Team

"All my friends are gay, all my friends are gay."
21KB - Source: Female/Absolutely Fabulous

"You are a meathead, a meathead! Dead from the neck up."
64KB - Source: Male/Archie Bunker(Carrol O'Connor)All In The Family

"Anybody else want a leg. Noooo legs for me, you can never tell where a birds been walking."
51KB - Source: Male/Archie Bunker(Carroll O'Connor)/All In The Family

"There's no power in acting the way you think other people want you to be."
37KB Source: Female/Elaine(Jane Krakowski)Ally McBeal

"I cannot stop thinking about you."
50KB - Source: Male/Ally McBeal

"Studies show that when two people attracted to each other take off all their clothes and get into bed naked, things can just happen."
50KB - Source: Female/Ally(Calista Flockhart)/Ally McBeal

"Hey you."
66KB Source: Female/Ally(Calista Flockhart)/Ally McBeal

"Happiness is just a pair of flannel pajamas to you isn't it?"
42KB - Source: Female/Renee(Lisa Nicole Carson)/Ally McBeal

"It can't be. Can't be. It can't be! I'm...I'm umm...I'm uhh...I'm thirty."
91KB - Source: Female/Ally(Calista Flockhart)/Ally McBeal

"I had a dream last night that Santa kept coming down my chimney, over and over and over..."
76KB - Source: Female/Elaine(Jane Krakowski)/Ally McBeal
"I'd like to personally roast your chestnuts on an open fire."
27KB - Source: Male/John(Peter MacNicol)/Ally McBeal

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas."
110KB - Source: Song/Female/Vonda Shepard/Ally McBeal

"Oh come on, nobodies supposed to be happy. It's it's Christmas."
35KB - Source: Female/Ally(Calista Flockhart)/Ally McBeal

"You're an optimist....that's what I want to be when I grow up."
95KB - Source: Female/Elaine(Jane Krakowski)Ally McBeal

"I was afraid you were gonna ask me that."
61KB - Source: Female/Ally(Calista Flockhart)/Ally McBeal

"I'm just adjusting to the new millennium."
76KB - Source: Female/Ally(Calista Flockhart)Ally McBeal

"Is that your final answer or would you like to call a friend?"
76KB - Source: Male/Lawyer/Ally McBeal

"What is all this good morning crap?"
51KB - Source: Female/Ally(Calista Flockhart)/Ally McBeal

"Snow White, Cinderella, all about getting a guy, being saved by the guy. Today it's Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Pocahontas, all about getting a guy."
118KB - Source: Female/Renee(Lisa Nicole Carson)/Ally McBeal

"Even if I get past all my problems, I'm just gonna go out and get new ones."
54KB - Source: Female/Ally(Calista Flockhart)/Ally McBeal

"You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off of you, you'd be like heaven to touch I wanna hold you so much."
188KB - Source: Song/Female/Elaine(Jane Krakowski)/Ally McBeal

"Congratulations, congratulations, congratulations."
35KB - Source: Male/Gomer Pyle(Jim Nabors)/The Andy Griffith Show

"Quickly, feed those figures into the computer."
23KB - Source: Male/Batman(Adam West)/Batman

"The New England Journal of Medicine says, and I think my colleague here would concur, people with violent tempers are at serious risk for heart attacks and strokes."
106KB - Source: Female/Becker

"If I may say so, it's been a long time since I've met a woman of your grace and beauty who wasn't a prostitute."
91KB - Source: Male/Detective/Becker

"Thank you Captain Obvious."
17KB - Source: Male/Bob(Saverio Guerra)/Becker

"You know you are hopeless. My god, what does it take to get you to think the worst of people?"
62KB - Source: Male/John Becker(Ted Danson)/Becker

"Hey, don't ask, don't tell."
22KB - Source: Female/Becker

"I think that is the sweetest thing I have ever heard."
31KB - Source: Female/Becker

"I can't thank you enough. It was heroic. Thank you so much."
65KB - Source: Male/Becker

"What am I some sort of lackey who gets stuck doing all the lousy jobs nobody else wants to do? Okay I know the answer to that."
99KB - Source: Female/Linda(Shawnee Smith)/Becker

"Goodluck, I mean goodluck!"
68KB - Source: Female/Linda(Shawnee Smith)/Becker

"It's a medical fact. Men say what they mean, women set traps to see if you can guess what they mean."
58Kb - Source: Male/John Becker(Ted Danson)Becker

"I have a total look of surprise right now."
25KB - Source: Female/Becker

"See that's the difference between us. You look at something and say why not? I look at something and say why not?"
69KB - Source: Female/Linda(Shawnee Smith)/Becker

"I swear you are acting like such a homophobe. "
25KB - Source: Female/Becker

"Can you do a deep knee bend? Good, then you can kiss my ass."
43KB - Source: Male/Becker

"I feel for ya but I gotta be honest the only bitching I can tolerate this early is my own."
67KB - Source: Male/John Becker(Ted Danson)/Becker

"Oh my God, you really are crazy aren't you?"
54KB - Source: Male/John Becker(Ten Danson)/Becker

"You look for the negative, you find it and then you obsess about it. Move on!"
58KB - Source: Female/Margaret(Hattie Winston) Becker

"It's gonna sound corny but I think when two people are meant to be together they know it."
59KB - Source: Male/Becker

"Yeah, I think they should teach a class at Harvard on shutting up about Harvard."
52KB - Source: Male/Bob(Saverio Guerra)/Becker

"The jealousy you feel is merely the outward manifestation of your own deep seated insecurity."
76KB - Source: Male/The Bum/Becker

"Every time a guy figures out the rules you women change'em. You know if we're attentive all of a sudden we're smothering, if we need you we're co-dependant, if we don't need you we're emotionally cutoff. You know if we dare ask you what the rules are you say 'If you don't know I'm certainly not gonna tell you.'"
159KB - Source: Male/John Becker(Ted Danson)/Becker

"I like balmy evenings, walks on the beach, getting thrown around in a mosh pit and fondue. What do you like? "
83KB - Source: Female/Linda(Shawnee Smith)/Becker

"I've loved you from the first moment I saw you. In fact that first day I fell in love with you three times. When I saw you walking toward me, when we spoke, and when I watched you walk away. That feeling has never changed."
162KB - Source: Male/Becker

"First of all you're an idiot. And second (pause) naa that pretty much covers it."
73KB - Source: Female/Reggie(Terry Farrell)/Becker

"Do you swear to the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?"
44KB - Source: Source: Male/Becker

"If you pull this crap again I'm gonna come to your house and club you unconscious."
44KB - Source: Male/Jake(Alex Desert)/Becker

"You're a creature of habit. If you ever varied your precious daily routine the earth would wabble out of the solar system."
71KB - Source: Female/Margaret(Hattie Winston)/Becker

"I'll take 'Boring' for $100 Alex."
21KB - Source: Female/Reggie(Terry Farrell)/Becker

"If you're going say something that stupid you could at least fake a stroke."
41KB - Source: Female/Reggie(Terry Farrell)/Becker

"You know this may come as a surprise to you but there is more to life then partying every night."
64KB - Source: Female/Margaret(Hattie Winston)/Becker

"You know there used to be a movie goers code of conduct. You shut up in the movie you shut up about the movie and as a general rule just shut up."
89KB - Source: Male/Becker/Becker

"I'm gonna give you my private number. You can keep it by your bed in case you wake up some night and find - you need me."
71KB - Source: Male/Becker

"Every teenager needs someone to loathe and despise. It's what they do."
56Kb - Source: Female/Linda(Shawnee Smith)/Becker

"Every teenager needs someone to loathe and despise. It's what they do."
56Kb - Source: Female/Linda(Shawnee Smith)/Becker

"I'm so sorry, I don't know what I was thinking."
39KB - Source: Male/John Becker(Ted Danson)/Becker

"Oh God, I'm just pathetic."
27KB - Source: Male/John Becker(Ted Danson)/Becker

"You know what I'm missing here? The part where anyone asks your opinion."
39KB - Source: Male/John Becker(Ted Danson)/Becker

"Hey just because you're having a good day doesn't mean you can take it out on me."
42KB - Source: Male/John Becker(Ted Danson)/Becker

"Don't take this personally...the sound of your voice makes my skin crawl."
44KB - Source: Male/Jack(Alex Desert)/Becker

"Hey, you can call me a lot of things. You can call me neurotic, damaged, obstinate, inappropriate. But I'll be damned if I'm gonna sit there and let you tell me I'm normal. I'm not normal, I'm abnormal!"
81KB - Source: Male/John Becker(Ted Danson)/Becker

"Is this the first time you've ever asked anyone for a favor because you really suck at it?"
59KB - Source: Male/John Becker(Ted Dansen) Becker

"When I grow up my house is gonna be in a tree. It's gonna have its own roller coaster and have a McDonalds instead of a kitchen."
87KB - Source: Young Boy Becker

"Boy, you can't believe the kind of day I'm having. I swear life is hard enough without having to navigate the gauntlet of idiots out there. Noisy neighbors, lousy drivers, incompetent workmen, you know, rude cabbies."
123KB - Source: Male/John Becker(Ted Danson)/Becker

"Good morning! It's a bright and sunny day out there. Too bad they're all dark and cloudy for you huh?"
77KB - Source: Male/Becker

"I'm looking for someone who listens, who doesn't criticize, who doesn't tune you out to watch sports, and isn't in the relationship just for sex. You know anyone like that?"
88KB - Source: Female/Reggie(Terry Farrell)/Becker

"You're floating on a pillow of air. Everything is calm and peaceful."
78KB - Source: Male/Relaxation Tape/Becker

"Oh, by the way, there's a message for you at the office. Some guy called, he said he knows you're not gay but if you just give him five minutes he's sure he can change your mind."
90KB - Source: Female/Linda(Shawnee Smith)/Becker

"Well if you don't know I'm certainly not going to tell you." 29Kb - Source: Female/Margaret(Hattie Winston)/Becker

"I think that is the sweetest thing I have ever heard."
31KB - Source: Female/Becker

"I can't thank you enough. It was heroic. Thank you so much."
65KB - Source: Male/Becker

"You keep this up and I'm going to find you in contempt of court."
38KB - Source: Female/Becker

"Oh, it's amazing. I've never seen a computer just burst into flames like that."
75KB - Source: Female/Margaret(Hattie Winston)/Becker

"Gee, who thought there'd be an upside to helping people?"
35KB - Source: Female/Becker

"It's amazing. All these years and you are still the cheapest man I have ever met."
69KB - Source: Female(Jaclyn Smith)/Becker

"News flash - it isn't always about you!"
43KB - Source: Female/Margaret(Hattie Winston)/Becker

"You see this disgusting piece of gristle? It knows more about women than you do."
60KB - Source: Female/Reggie(Terry Farrell)/Becker

"You know so little about women it's hard to believe you actually came from one."
35Kb - Source: Female/Reggie(Terry Farrell)/Becker

"You may apologize when ready."
23KB - Source: Male/Bob(Saverio Guerra)/Becker

"Hey, you sound a little stressed out there buddy. Think you might need, oh I don't know, a cigarette?"
68KB - Source: Male/Jake(Alex Desert) /Becker

"I've reached a nonaggression pact with the holidays. I have absolutely no expectations. No expectations no disappointments."
95KB - Source: Male/John Becker(Ted Danson)Becker

"I like the way you think."
26KB - Source: Male/Jake(Alex Desert)/Becker

"Sometimes I feel like I'm the biggest sucker in the world."
42KB - Source: Female/Reggie(Terry Farrell)/Becker

"I swear the whole world has its hand out. If it's not the bum on the corner it's some kid selling cookies, it's Jimmy Carter looking to raise money for a tool belt. "
88KB - Source: Male/John Becker(Ted Dansen) Becker

"Hey congratulations. You know that's great."
23Kb - Source: Male/John Becker(Ted Danson)/Becker

"I am so terribly sorry. How could I have been so thoughtless?"
47KB - Source: Female/Bette(Bette Midler)/Bette

"Your head is as empty as a eunuch's underpants."
32KB - Source: Male/Prince Edmund, a.k.a. the Black Adder(Rowan Atkinson)/The Black Adder

"Women, you can't live with them - pass the beer nuts."
41KB - Source: Male/Norm/Cheers

"You're brillant. That is one of the most brillant ideas you've ever had. And you've had a lot of brillant ideas. "
60KB - Source: Female/Carla(Rhea Perlman)/Cheers

"It's a dog-eat-dog world and I'm wearing Milkbone underwear."
35KB - Source: Male/Norm Peterson(George Wendt)/Cheers

"Tell me, what color is the sky in your world?"
30KB - Source: Male/Frasier(Kelsey Grammer)/Cheers

"Growing up sucks, and not all kisses are magic and most boys cannot live up to your expectations."
92KB - Source: Female/Dawson's Creek

"There are those times when everything, I mean love, romance, relationships. It all falls together perfectly and... it's incredible."
127KB - Source: Female/Dawson's Creek

"Isn't that a rather personal question?"
18KB - Source: Female/Kitty(Susan Sullivan)/Dharma & Greg

"Just the facts, Ma'am."
10KB - Source: Male/Friday(Jack Webb)/Dragnet

"Yes sir, this sort of thing has happened before."
23KB - Source: Male/Sergeant Joe Friday(Jack Webb) Dragnet

"So, what do ya think? Are you free for Saturday night for a date?"
76KB - Source: Female/Kate(Christa Miller)/The Drew Carey Show

"Let me turn on the part of my brain that gives a damn."
28KB - Source: Female/Mimi(Kathy Kinney)/The Drew Carey Show

"So, what do ya think? Are you free for Saturday night for a date?"
76KB - Source: Female/Kate(Christa Miller)/The Drew Carey Show

"You're like some sort of super hero able to ward off success at every turn."
43KB - Source: Male/Lewis(Ryan Stiles)/The Drew Carey Show

"I fell on my penis, call an ambulance!"
46KB - Source: Male/Drew/The Drew Carey Show

"You're a good man, you're an honest man, you're a smart...dresser ."
49KB - Source: Male/Drew/The Drew Carey Show

"Let me be clear. The only way I would ever lie naked with you is in a mass grave."
45KB - Source: Female/Kate(Christa Miller)/The Drew Carey Show

"If I suck up any harder I'll inhale you!"
26KB Source: Female/Kate(Christa Miller)/The Drew Carey Show

"If you need anything you can just email me."
32KB - Source: Female/Mimi(Kathy Kinney)/The Drew Carey Show

"What's your email address?"
19KB Source: Male/Drew/The Drew Carey Show

"Gentlemen - I guess our first order of business is - how do we kill Superman?"
67KB - Source: Male/Drew/The Drew Carey Show

"How far do these computer dates go?"
29KB Source: Female/The Drew Carey Show

"Yeah, you know all those things I said about taking it slow and making it special blah blah blah. Who am I kidding? I'm not that kind of girl."
87KB Source: Female/Kate(Christa Miller)/The Drew Carey Show

"You're the first boyfriend I can introduce to my relatives and not worry about what he's going to do next."
43KB - Source: Female/Kate(Christa Miller)/The Drew Carey Show

"You old dog, you chip off the old block ha ha."
49KB - Source: Male/Oswald(Diedrich Bader)/The Drew Carey Show

"You're the sweetest most gentle guy I've met in a long time, now I can't date you because you're a nut job."
50KB - Source: Female/Kate(Christa Miller)/The Drew Carey Show

"What the hell is going on? Black is white, up is down, the world doesn't make any sense!"
39KB - Source: Male/Oswald(Diedrich Bader)/The Drew Carey Show

"You big sack of stupid."
19KB - Source: Source: Female/Mimi(Kathy Kinney)/The Drew Carey Show

"Why don't you just cut a check to your large intestines cause that's the only part of you that does any work?"
46KB - Source: Female/Mimi(Kathy Kinney)/The Drew Carey Show

"Like the doctor said the day you were born. It's gonna get ugly."
34KB - Source: Male/Drew Carey/The Drew Carey Show

"Say no more... you're confusing me."
45KB - Source: Male/Oswald(Diedrich Bader)/The Drew Carey Show

"I hope you don't think that I'm kissing up but YOU SUCK!
34KB - Source: Female/Mimi(Kathy Kinney)/The Drew Carey Show

"Your ideas are really stupid but it did give me time to think."
30KB - Source: Male/Drew Carey/The Drew Carey Show

"I'm a high school teacher I am rich beyond your wildest imagination."
46KB - Source: Female/ Molly(Lesley Boone)/Ed

"It is absolutely impossible for a single man and a single woman to be just friends."
44KB - Source: Female/Molly(Lesley Boone)/Ed

"Look I know that it's tough out there but you will find someone. You have so much going for you. You're kind, you're sensitive, you're honest...blah, blah, blah."
36KB MP3 - Source: Female/Debra Barone(Patricia Heaton)/Everybody Loves Raymond


"Hey, as your friend I can honestly say that unless you can provide for and protect your woman you should get outta the way and give me a shot."
74KB - Source: Male/Friend of Ray/Everybody Loves Raymond

"You know, I once lost a friend over fifty dollars. And I'll tell ya, sometimes when I'm driving, I still think about that fifty dollars."
48KB (MP3) - Source: Male/Frank(Peter Boyle)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"Well, I hate to break up this meeting of the campfire girls BUT LET'S GET TO WORK! CHOP! CHOP!"
67KB - Source: Male/Frank(Peter Boyle)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"No, thankyou."
27KB - Source: Male/Robert(Brad Garrett)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"Okay, time to party on down with the same people I see 51 hours a week."
56KB - Source: Female/Debra(Patricia Heaton/Everybody Loves Raymond

"If you're jackin' me around I'm gonna rip your arm off at the elbow."
29KB - Source: Male/Johnny/Everybody Loves Raymond

"You know you're just strolling down the railroad tracks and you don't hear the wooo! woooo!"
56KB - Male/Ray(Ray Romano)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"Hey, hey, happy turkey day."
27KB - Source: Male/Debra's Father(Robert Culp)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"Hey, look at this - Prayer cards. Hey, a Saint Jude rookie card."
66Kb - Source: Male/Ray(Ray Romano)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"You madam are ignorant!"
22KB - Source: Male/Frank(Peter Boyle)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"Well I am not threatened by younger women. Why should I be? I happen to be an attractive woman. I am extremely well read, I'm a good conversationalist, I'm proud of my age and I have never lied about it."
94Kb - Source: Female/Debra(Patricia Heaton/Everybody Loves Raymond

"Hello I'm queer and now I'm here."
38KB - Source: Female/Marie Barone(Doris Roberts)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"Let me tell you something about giving money. First of all you never just offer it to anybody. They gotta come to you with a really good reason and a whole plan to pay you back. And then, only after they've proved they're good for it, you tell 'em 'beat it loser'".
52KB (MP3) - Source: Male/Frank(Peter Boyle)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"I am the king. And now his majesty will retire to his castle. Where he will await the royal grilled cheese sandwich."
96KB - Source: Male/Frank(Peter Boyle)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"I'll see you in hell."
KB - Source: Male/Robert(Brad Garrett) Everybody Loves Raymond

"Are you very sure you're not homosexual?"
32KB - Source: Female/Marie(Doris Roberts)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"Are you out of your mind?!!"
21KB - Source: Male/Robert Barone(Brad Garrett)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"So, you can thank me later. I like fine chocolates."
82KB - Source: Male/Frank(Peter Boyle)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"I just want us to have a nice candid conversation about life and romance and what's wrong with you."
61KB - Source: Female/Marie(Doris Roberts) Everybody Loves Raymond

"You don't like me being right, right? You're allowed to analysis me up and down but I hit on a psychological...undercoating and you can't give me my due."
96KB - Source: Male/Ray(Ray Romano)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"I'm sorry and I'm stupid."
22KB - Source: Male/Ray(Ray Romano)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"I'm not the easiest person to live with. I'm hairy and smelly and... I'm really kind of like an animal."
69KB - Source: Male/Robert(Brad Garrett)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"Well look who finally decided to get out of bed."
38KB - Source: Female/Marie(Doris Roberts) Everybody Loves Raymond

"You know, is it too much to ask for you to save my life once in awhile?"
44KB - Source: Female/Debra(Patricia Heaton/Everybody Loves Raymond

"You know how I am. I see what I want and I go for it. And what I want is you."
53KB - Source: Female/Everybody Loves Raymond

"People have told me that if you're not happy with yourself you should work on yourself. And I've been kinda thinkin' about that and that's why I think that - we should work on you."
98Kb - Source: Male/Ray(Ray Romano)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"You know what? I'm tired could you just call yourself an idiot?"
32Kb - Source: Female/Debra(Patricia Heaton)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"Do men ever stop being stupid?"
29KB - Source: Female/Everybody Loves Raymond

"I'm pathetic, I'm a loser and everybody hates me. Could you make me something to eat?"
79KB - Source: Male/Robert(Brad Garrett) Everybody Loves Raymond

"I just wanna know what do I get for the most beautiful woman in the world?"
41KB - Source: Male/Ray(Ray Romano)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"Do you know that you're killing me? Do you even care that you're killing me? Dig a grave and throw me in."
97KB - Source: Female/Marie Barone(Doris Roberts)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"And that is a very astute observation."
26KB - Source: Male/Robert(Brad Garrett)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"Well the shoe's on the other foot now. Uncomfortable and smelly is it not?"
88KB - Source: Male/Ray Barone(Ray Romano)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"You listen, if my parents lit an orphanage on fire on Christmas Eve they wouldn't be as bad as your parents!"
82KB - Source: Female/Debra(Patricia Heaton/Everybody Loves Raymond

"You know I really haven't told you how good you've been looking lately. You're like a hot chick."
58Kb - Source: Male/Ray(Ray Romano)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"I know what you're going through and I can help you. I just want you, once and for all, to say it to me. That you're homosexual."
26KB - Source: Female/Marie Barone(Doris Roberts)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"And that ladies and gentlemen answers the question, 'Why do we drink?'"
46KB - Source: Male/Ray(Ray Romano)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"See that's beautiful. That is what a woman should smell like. Lemon Pledge and meat sauce."
102Kb - Source: Male/Raymond(Ray Romano)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"By God, I will do whatever it takes to make this family whole."
62KB - Source: Male/Robert(Brad Garrett)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"Well I'm not so sure I like the way I'm being treated here. If any of you want to apologize to me I'll be in the bath."
94KB - Source: Male/Frank(Peter Boyle)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"You know I feel a little dirty.....I like it."
87KB - Source: Male/Robert(Brad Garrett)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"No!, No!, No!........No."
44KB - Source: Male/Ray(Ray Romano)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"So, how ya doin'? Ya fast, ya loose, ya throwing up?"
34KB - Source: Male/Ray(Ray Romano)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"What are you getting so upset about? We're just talking."
55KB - Source: Female/Marie Barone(Doris Roberts)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"Obviously you've spent a lot more time thinking about this then I have."
37KB - Source: Male/Frank Barone(Peter Boyle)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"You, are a baby."
41KB - Source: Male/Robert Barone(Brad Garrett)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"What a load of bull."
17KB - Source: Male/Frank(Peter Boyle)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"I'm telling you the things you do and the way you look can drive a woman crazy."
54KB - Source: Female/Marie Barone(Doris Roberts)/Everybody Loves Raymond

"Oh, what is it now? Can't you leave me in peace?"
46KB - Source: Male/Basil Fawlty(John Cleese)/Fawlty Towers

"Is there a history of insanity in your family?"
25KB - Source: Male/Basil Fawlty(John Cleese)/Fawlty Towers

"I'm sorry did I say something funny?"
16KB - Source: Source: Male/Basil Fawlty(John Cleese)/Fawlty Towers

"Oh dear, oh dear, how sad. Hmmm."
46KB - Source: Source: Male/Fawlty Towers

"You know something, you disgust me. I know what people like you get up to and I think it's disgusting."
68KB - Source: Male/Basil Fawlty(John Cleese)/Fawlty Towers

"Have a nice day dear. Don't drive over any mines or anything."
49KB - Source: Male/Basil Fawlty(John Cleese)/Fawlty Towers

"And if you give us anymore trouble, I shall visit you in the small hours and put a bat up your nightdress!"
48KB - Source: Male/Basil Fawlty(John Cleese)/Fawlty Towers

"My God woman I'd drive a stake through your heart but I don't think anything could kill you!"
32KB - Source: Male/Dr. Frasier Crane(Kelsey Grammer)/Frasier

"I see you're still waiting on that spine donor."
24KB - Source: Male/Dr. Frasier Crane(Kelsey Grammer)Frasier

"It's such a shame you can't see what finger I'm holding up."
24KB - Source: Female/Phoebe(Lisa Kudrow)Friends

"Sometimes men love women, sometimes men love men. And then there are bisexuals but some just say they're kidding themselves."
139KB - Source: Female/Song/Phoebe(Lisa Kudrow)/Friends

"Ohhh, Wooow" (very sarcastic)
35KB - Source: The Robot/Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Thanks Kris)

"Baby, you're the greatest."
26KB - Source: Male/Ralph Cramden(Jackie Gleason)/The Honeymooners

"Har, har, hardy, har, har."
44KB - Source: Female/Alice Cramden(Audrey Meadows)/The Honeymooners

"Go ahead, tell me I'm a maniac. Go ahead, say anything you want. But I don't care, I don't care. That's the way I feel."
85KB - Source: Male/Ralph Cramden(Jackie Gleason)/The Honeymooners

"Ohhh, you're startin' right in ehh? Starting right in with the insults, no warming up in the bullpen or nothing ehh?"
71KB - Source: Male/Ralph Cramden(Jackie Gleason)The Honeymooners

"You, are a blabbermouth!"
49KB - Source: Male/Ralph Cramden(Jackie Gleason)/The Honeymooners

"You're a riot, you're a regular riot. Hope they like those jokes on the moon cause that's where you're going."
58KB - Source: Male/Ralph Kramden(Jackie Gleason)/The Honeymooners

"As we say in the sewer - here's mud in your eye."
48KB - Source: Male/Ed Norton(Art Carney)/The Honeymooners

"Say kids, what time is it?"
39 KB - Source: Male/Buffalo Bob Smith/The Howdy Doody Show

Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry."
49KB - Source: Male/Dr. David Bruce Banner(Bill Bixby)/The Incredible Hulk Thanks: John Jolly & Matthew Krebs

"Something happened to my brain. It's all dried up."
29KB - Source: Female/Lucy Ricardo(Lucille Ball)/I Love Lucy

"If I could only reach you I'd punch you right in the nose."
30KB - Source: Male/Ricky Ricardo(Desi Arnaz)/I Love Lucy

"Well honey, it's a very nice thought but as usual you'll have no logical explaination for doin' it the way you're doin' it."
66KB - Source: Male/Ricky Ricardo(Desi Arnaz)/I Love Lucy

"You know, I've be married for 35 years. And here's my advice to you...always be willing to compromise."
98KB - Source: Male/Street Bum/Just Shoot Me

"Thank you you're very kind."
13Kb - Source: Male/Jack Gallo(George Segal)/Just Shoot Me

"Okay people let's open it up. I wanna hear some new ideas, something fresh something different. Come on now dazzle me."
94KB - Source: Male/Jack Gallo(George Segal)/Just Shoot Me

"Are you trying to piss me off?"
17KB - Source: Male/Jack Gallo(George Segal)/Just Shoot Me

"What I'm trying to say is I always thought back to that night with you. It was the most romantic, exciting moment of my life."
108KB - Source: Male/Jack Gallo(George Segal)/Just Shoot Me

"You don't really believe that do you?"
24KB - Source: Female/Nina Van Horn(Wendie Malick)/Just Shoot Me

"Big news! You're all invited to my party."
47KB Source: Female/Maya Gallo(Laura San Giacomo)/Just Shoot Me

"I admire your honestly, now shut your month before I puke in it! "
87KB - Source: Female/Just Shoot Me

"Ten years ago I didn't believe in the Internet and yet I'm downloading a chile recipe as we speak."
56KB - Source: Male/Jack Gallo(George Segal)/Just Shoot Me

"If anybody needs me I'll be out of the office for the rest of the day."
36KB - Source: Male/Just Shoot Me

"Let me ask you a question. Do you think about me, you know, throughout your day when we're not together. Do you think about me at all?"
67KB - Source: Female/Carrie Heffernan(Leah Remini)King of Queens

"I am pretty amazing huh?"
24KB - Source: Male/Doug(Kevin James)/King of Queens

"I'm gonna level with you, okay? I live a small life. I work in the subway. I've been held up at gunpoint seventeen times. Twice with a finger."
164KB - Source: Male/Spence(Patton Oswalt)/King of Queens

"I found a loophole in the system. If I see something I like, I just buy it, I tuck in the tags when I wear it. And then I keep it really clean and then in seven to thirty days, depending on the store, I take it back for a full refund. Slap it high come on!"
49KB MP3 - Source: Female/Carrie Heffernan(Leah Remini)King of Queens

"I like the way you think big guy."
33KB - Source: Female/Carrie Heffernan(Leah Remini)King of Queens

White version of a black greeting.
49KB - Source: Male/Doug(Kevin James)/King of Queens

"Who the hell do you people think you are? I want you all to know that if I see any of you walking down the street and I am in my car I will run you down okay. And just when you think it's over I'm gonna put it in reverse, I'm gonna back over you okay. Then I'm gonna get out of the car and that's where the real whoopass begins. "
74KB MP3 - Source: Female/Carrie Heffernan(Leah Remini)King of Queens

"It's your world, I just live in it."
22KB - Source: Male/Arthur(Jerry Stiller)/King of Queens

"Well, thank you very little!"
17KB - Source: Male/Arthur(Jerry Stiller)/King of Queens

"What's troubling you son, you never looked heavier?"
34KB - Source: Male/Arthur Spooner(Jerry Stiller) King of Queens

"Thank you but I'm going to have to respectfully decline."
33KB - Source: Male/Arthur(Jerry Stiller)/King of Queens

"Ohhh, thank you darling. You're a good daughter."
44KB - Source: Male/Arthur(Jerry Stiller)/King of Queens

"There's no such thing as the perfect guy. The best you can do is just look for someone who's nice and cares about you."
77KB - Source: Male/Doug(Kevin James)/King of Queens

"You women are all the same. 'Get a job, get off my sister, stop dealing out of my house.'"
87KB - Source: Male/King of Queens

"You know ah how come you never greet me at the door naked like the other wifes?"
47KB - Source: Male/Doug(Kevin James)/King of Queens

"Oh what a thing we could have going if it wasn't for societies's taboo."
43KB - Source: Male/Arthur(Jerry Stiller)/King of Queens

"Not too good, not too bad. Right on the cutting edge of mediocre."
50KB - Source: Male/Doug(Kevin James)/King of Queens

"The voices from beyond the grave say, "Noooo."
69KB - Source: Male/King of Queens

"My sources from beyond the grave say, "Proceed."
65KB - Source: Male/King of Queens

"For God's sake, my boss, he throws his shoes at me. I just duck and get on with my life."
70KB - Source: Female/Carrie(Leah Remini)/King of Queens

"All I wanna do is cash my check and drive right home to you. Cause baby all my life I will be driving home to you."
136KB - Source: Theme Song/King of Queens

"Look at us. I mean I could sit on you and kill you, yet we make it work."
42KB - Source: Male/Doug(Kevin James)/King of Queens

"Well, thank you very little!"
17KB - Source: Male/Arthur(Jerry Stiller)/King of Queens

"Ohhh, thank you darling. You're a good daughter."
44KB - Source: Male/Arthur(Jerry Stiller)/King of Queens

"I knew it, women hate men. Why do you hate us so much? Is it because we can pee standing up? Oh that makes you crazy doesn't it?"
65KB - Source: Male/Doug(Kevin James)/King of Queens

"Why doesn't somebody just give me a weggie now and complete my humiliation?"
46KB - Source: Male/Spence(Patton Oswalt) King of Queens

"You're coming even if I have to tackle you and strap you to the hood of my car!"
36KB - Source: Male/Doug(Kevin James)/King of Queens

"Well, your old hubby just got a night job doing what he does best. I know what you're thinkin' --- underwear model."
66KB - Source: Male/Doug(Kevin James)/King of Queens

"I am one handsome black man. How do you keep your hands off me?"
56KB - Source: Male/Deacon(Victor Williams)/King of Queens

"Hey, I let you get me pregnant right? Only seven or eight guys can say that."
39KB - Source: Female/Carrie(Leah Remini)/King of Queens

"Wait till you see the surprise I get you for Christmas. I'm not gonna tell you what it is, but you're going to need a bigger bra."
70KB - Source: Male/Doug(Kevin James )/King of Queens

"Tell me what the hell is going on, or so help me, I will kill you. And I don't mean that funny 'Oh my god I'm gonna kill you.' I mean I will stop your heart!"
95KB - Source: Female/Carrie Heffernan(Leah Remini)King of Queens

"I don't need to be berated. I don't need to find my center. I don't need to learn the Navajo way."
86KB - Source: Male/Doug(Kevin James)/King of Queens

"So, sex wise I'm definitely on my own tonight?"
45KB - Source: Male/Doug(Kevin James )/King of Queens

"Ah the homosexuals. It's wonderful the things they've given to our culture. I'm a big fan."
80KB - Source: Male/Arthur Spooner(Jerry Stiller) King of Queens

"I've got my caramel coffee, my cell phone, I'm part of the modern world and I'm loving it."
58KB - Source: Male/Arthur(Jerry Stiller)King of Queens

"I feel happy healthy and more alive."
27KB - Source: Female/Carrie(Leah Remini)/King of Queens

"And just so you know the next time we're out and you see a girl you think is hot. You can look just don't be a jerk when you do it."
73KB - Source: Female/Carrie(Leah Remini)/King of Queens

"Yes, yes and oh yeah."
34KB - Source: Male/Doug(Kevin James)/King of Queens

"I can not work like this!"
25KB - Source: Male/Danny Heffernan(Gary Valentine)/King of Queens

"How great is a booth? I mean tables are fine but a booth is like a vacation for your ass."
76KB - Source: Male/Doug(Kevin James)/King of Queens

"Honey I love you so much so please, please, please believe me when I tell you this - ya smell."
69Kb - Source: Female/Carrie(Leah Remini) /King of Queens

"Well, gotta give you a big fat noooooo."
25KB - Source: Female/Carrie(Leah Remini) /King of Queens

"You know what? You guys are just threatened by a man who is comfortable with his body."
35KB - Source: Male/Doug(Kevin James)King of Queens

"Wait till you see the surprise I get you for Christmas. I'm not gonna tell you what it is, but you're going to need a bigger bra."
70KB - Source: Male/Doug(Kevin James )/King of Queens

"I would slap you right across your face if I didn't think you would, in turn, floor me."
47KB - Source: Male/Arthur(Jerry Stiller)/King of Queens

"So, it's all about the money, the filthy loot. Well fine here, here's some blood money for ya. You want some more? Here here's some more. Crawl for it. Go ahead crawl for it! Actually I need that back."
164Kb - Source: Male/Arthur(Jerry Stiller)/King of Queens

"Okay, one, two, three... Merry Christmas!"
59KB - Source: Male/Arthur(Jerry Stiller)/King of Queens

"I don't think I like nor do I completely understand what you're getting at."
40Kb - Source: Male/Arthur(Jerry Stiller)/King of Queens

"I love you sweetheart."
21Kb - Source: Male/Arthur(Jerry Stiller)/King of Queens

"My man, I like the cut of your jib."
26KB - Source: Male/Doug(Kevin James)/King of Queens

"Let's hear it for 'em folks let's hear it for 'em." Sound of applause.
50KB - Source: Male/Doug(Kevin James)/King of Queens

"It's, it's, it's, it's, it's ahh it's no! No, no, no."
70KB - Source: Female/Carrie(Leah Remini)/King of Queens

"Who the hell do you people think you are? I want you all to know that if I see any of you walking down the street and I am in my car I will run you down okay. And just when you think it's over I'm gonna put it in reverse, I'm gonna back over you okay. Then I'm gonna get out of the car and that's where the real whoopass begins. "
74KB MP3 - Source: Female/Carrie Heffernan(Leah Remini)King of Queens

"That's ridiculous."
19KB - Source: Male/Ward Cleaver(Hugh Beaumont)/Leave it to Beaver

"You said a mouthfullllll."
35KB - Source: Male/George 'Spanky' McFarland/The Little Rascals

"I am soooo sorry. I eh, really I'm just very very sorry."
70KB - Source: Male/The Lone Gunmen

"Blow it out your neck hole weirdo."
21KB - Source: Male/Langley(Dean Haglund)/The Lone Gunmen

"I gotta tell ya. So far this job sucks!"
30KB - Source: Male/Langly(Dean Haglund)/The Lone Gunmen

"What is this, another one of your whacko conspiracy theories like who shot J.R.?"
46KB - Source: Male/The Lone Gunmen

"People never see history coming. It kind of just sneaks up on them. Then boom - you're swept up in it."
108KB - Source: Male/The Lone Gunmen

"When I grow up I wanna be a career bureaucrat with the Federal government."
58KB - Source: Male/Byers(Bruce Harwood)/The Lone Gunmen

"Sorry, really really sorry."
36KB - Source: Male/Langly(Dean Haglund)/The Lone Gunmen

"I should be a dotcom gazillionaire instead of gracing you with my hacking brillance."
40KB - Source: Male/Langly(Dean Haglund)/The Lone Gunmen

"A hacker of your caliber ought a be floating in a Silicon Valley hot tub, sipping champers and counting his IPO cashola."
80KB - Source: Male/The Lone Gunmen

"The answer's always gonna be no."
37KB - Source: Male/clerk/The Lone Gunmen

"Ha ha ha man you are a maniac. That's funny."
72KB - Source: Male/Jimmy Bond(Stephen Snedden)/The Lone Gunmen

"I am so proud to be a part of this team...just talking about it...look at that, goose bumps."
90KB - Source: Male/Jimmy Bond(Stephen Snedden)/The Lone Gunmen

"I am sorry. I am afraid I goofed."
26KB - Source: Male/Robot - Bob May - (voice of Dick Tufeld)/Lost In Space

"What you have done is wrong."
24KB - Source: Male/Robot - Bob May - (voice of Dick Tufeld)/ Lost In Space

"Warning!, warning!, warning!"
40KB - Source: Male/Robot - Bob May - (voice of Dick Tufeld)/ Lost In Space (Thanks Doug!)

"You know, when you open up to people you will always be surprised just how well things turn out."
81KB - Source: Female/Teacher/Malcom In The Middle

"You see, you do the right thing and everything works out for the best."
58KB - Source: Female/Lois(Jane Kaczmarek)/Malcom In The Middle

"Surprise!!!"
34KB - Source: Kids Yelling/Malcom In The Middle

"Men are animals...or so I am told."
55KB - Source: Female/Malcolm In The Middle

"Life is unfairrrrr."
43KB Source: Song/Male/Malcolm In The Middle

"Anyway, umm I don't know quite how to say this so I'm just going to say it. I think you're really special."
79Kb - Source: Female/Malcolm In The Middle

"Ha, ha, ha. Noooooo, no, no, no, no, no. No. NO! That is not an option."
89KB - Source: Female/Lois(Jane Kaczmarek) /Malcolm In The Middle

"Yes, no, maybe, I don't know. Can you repeat the question?"
75KB - Source: Theme Song/Malcolm In The Middle

"I used to be like you. Insolent, arrogant, cavalier."
57KB - Source: Male/Military School Commander/Malcolm In The Middle

"Once you start there's no going back. This means total commitment. Once you begin the path there is no leaving the path. Are you sure you're ready for that, I mean really ready?"
111KB - Source: Male/Hal(Bryan Cranston)/Malcom In The Middle

"No, no, no, I can't work like this! I'll be at my cubbie."
139KB - Source: Male/Malcom In The Middle

"Don't be a sucker your whole life, let me tell you something about men and women. We're liars and you're all idiots."
117KB - Source: Female/Kelly Bundy(Christina Applegate)Married With Children (Via Bill Pearl)

"You look just the way you did the day I married you. Only difference is today I'm not dead drunk."
52KB - Source: Male/Al Bundy(Ed O'Neill)/Married With Children

"Sorry we're out of time, bye."
50KB - Source: Male/Max Headroom

"Asking is just polite demanding."
22KB Source: Male/Max Headroom

"Ya know someday I gotta learn ventriloquism. You'd make a great dummy."
67KB - Source: Male/Horse/Mr. Ed

Part of Monty Python's Spam Skit
115KB (MP3) - Source: Monty Python's Flying Circus

"Hello. Can we have your liver?"
21KB - Source: Male/Eric IdleMonty Python's Flying Circus

"Go Away!"
10KB - Source: Male/Monty Python's Flying Circus

"YOU DIRTY DOUBLE-CROSSING RAT!"
26KB Source: Male/John Cleese/Monty Python's Flying Circus

"Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type make me puke! You vacuous, toffee-nosed, malodorous pervert!"
51KB - Source: Male/Eric Idle/Monty Python's Flying Circus

The sound of an arrow through the air and into a body..."Message for you sir."
32KB - Source: Male/Monty Python's Flying Circus

"Do you mind, we're talking here?"
36KB - Source: Female/(Fran Drescher)The Nanny - (Thanks Rae)

"Due to some violent content, parental discretion is advised."
27KB - Source: The New Detectives on Discovery Channel


"You poor misguided Canadian bastard."
30KB Source: Male/Jimmy James(Stephen Root)NewsRadio

"You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to the outer limits."
84Kb - Source: Male/The Outer Limits

"So...tell me...do you feel like a winner today?"
46KB Source: Male/The Outer Limits

"Silent night, holy night - jingle bells, jingle bells - walking in a winter wonderland. How was that for a fabulous Christmas carol melody?"
157KB - Source: Male/Pee Wee Herman

"I'm sorrrry!!!"
19KB - Source: Male/Pee Wee Herman

"I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered."
42KB - Source: Male/Number 6(Patrick McGoohan)/The Prisoner

"Here I am 5 o'clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird's butt."
61KB - Source: Female/Roseanne/Roseanne

"Only the slimiest lowlife of a husband would forget ya on Valentine's Day."
100KB - Source: Female/Roseanne/Roseanne

"Well, whoop-de-friggin'-do!"
69KB - Source: Male/Matt Foley/Chris Farley/Saturday Night Live

"Gees, I'm an idiot!"
17KB - Source: Male/Chris Farley/Saturday Night Live

"Sweet mother of God, what is the hold up!?"
88KB - Source: Male/Chris Farley/Saturday Night Live

"Wow, that's a great story I'd love to hear the end of it sometime- buhbye."
39KB - Source: Male/David Spade/Saturday Night Live

"The question is...are you still master of your domain?"
52KB - Source: Male/Jerry SeinfeldSeinfeld

"Oh come on man, help a brother out."
7KB - Source: Male/Kramer(Michael Richards)/Seinfeld

Kramer: "Your thin, late thirties, single." Jerry: "So are you."
18KB - Source: Males/Seinfeld

"Good morning!!!"
21Kb - Source: Male/Kramer(Michael Richards)/Seinfeld

"Here's to those who wish us well, and those who don't can go to hell."
66KB - Source: Female/Elaine Benes(Julia Louis-Dreyfus)Seinfeld

"Now stop this, I hate seeing you have a great time."
40KB Source: Male/Oscar The Grouch/Sesame Street

"Oh yeah, whatever."
19KB - Source: Male/Oscar The Grouch/Sesame Street

"I think it's time for you to start to seriously consider salads."
35KB - Source: Male/Tony Soprano(James Gandolfini)/The Sopranos

"One of the first rules of management is you don't crush the dreams and enthusiasm of those who work for you."
46KB - Source: Male/Mike(Micheal J Fox)/Spin City

"Disengage this computer now."
32KB Source: Male/Captain James T. Kirk(William Shatner)/Star Trek - The Original Series

"Live long and prosper."
17KB Source: Male/Spock(Leonard Nimoy)/Star Trek - The Original Series

"Transfer of data is complete."
32KB Source: Female/ComputerStar Trek - The Original Series

"Non sequitur, your facts are uncoordinated."
29KB - Source: Alien/Star Trek - The Original Series

"Security clearance level three or above is required to access files."
47KB Source: Female/StarTrek

"That information is not available."
22KB - Source: Female/Computer/StarTrek

"Requested function will require two hours to complete."
35KB - Source: Female/Computer/StarTrek

"Freedom is irrelevant, self determination is irrelevant. You must comply."
42KB - Source: The Borg/StarTrek

"I do not laugh because I do not feel like laughing."
29KB - Source: Male/Lieutenant Worf(Michael Dorn)/Star Trek - The Next Generation

"I'm not programmed to give you that information."
45KB Source: Female/Minuet/Star Trek - The Next Generation

"A stranger is a friend you just haven't met yet."
27KB Source: Female/Captain Janeway(Kate Mulgrew)/Star Trek Voyager

"Just because I don't have the answers to your questions doesn't mean there aren't any."
56KB - Source: Female/Captain Janeway(Kate Mulgrew)/Star Trek Voyager

"I'm a doctor not a database."
24Kb - Source: Male/Holographic Doctor(Robert Picardo)/Star Trek Voyager

"Two hours, thirty-seven minutes, thirteen seconds...that's how long we've gone without verbal communication."
79KB - Source: Female/Seven of Nine(Jeri Ryan)/Star Trek Voyager

"The fullness of your lips and the paleness of your cheeks, it's enough to make a man faint."
70KB - Source: Male/Star Trek Voyager

"Everyday it's the same thing. Get up, go to work, make a meal, have sex. Get up, go to work, make a meal, have sex. "
68KB - Source: Female/Judy Miller(Jami Gertz)/Still Standing

"Are you aware that your children are running amuck?"
27KB - Source: Female/Linda(Jennifer Irwin)/Still Standing

"I'm just a kid. My judgements not very good."
29KB - Source: Male/Brian Miller(Taylor Ball)/Still Standing

"Ahh, look at you with that sad face I could care less about."
53KB - Source: Male/Bill Miller(Mark Addy)/Still Standing

"Do you think they'll ever send a probe to Uranus?"
31KB - Source: Male/Bill Miller(Mark Addy)/Still Standing

"I come home from a hard night bowling and drinking with my friends and you don't even pretend to care."
63KB - Source: Male/Bill Miller(Mark Addy)/Still Standing

"Excellentay, excellentay."
33KB - Source: Male/Bill Miller(Mark Addy)/Still Standing

"I can't believe you would...how could you even...the point is that...I can't breathe."
99KB - Source: Female/Judy Miller(Jami Gertz)Still Standing

"Great Caesar's ghost!"
40KB - Source: Male/Perry White(John Hamilton)/Adventures of Superman

"Who do you think you are Superman?"
41KB - Source: Male/Perry White(John Hamilton)/Adventures of Superman

"Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Superman!"
34KB - Source: Adventures of Superman

"Your job is to study hard, go to college and move away!"
40KB - Source: Male/Red Forman(Kurtwood Smith)/That 70's Show

"I'm tryin' to think but nothin' happens."
17KB - Source: Male/Curly Howard/The Three Stooges

"Stop thinking of food and get to work."
20KB Source: Male/The Three Stooges

"I'm a victim of circumstance."
16KB - Source: Male/Curly Howard/The Three Stooges

"Am I gonna have trouble with you?"
16KB - Source: Male/Moe Howard/The Three Stooges

"Why don't you get a toupee with some brains in it?"
25KB - Source: Male/Moe Howard/The Three Stooges

"Now listen grapehead, I'll explain it so even you can understand it."
33KB - Source: Male/Moe Howard/The Three Stooges


"You'd better be nice to me if you want your stocking stuffed."
32KB Source: Female/Dr. Mary Albright(Jane Curtin)/3rd Rock From The Sun

"You'd better be nice to me if you want your stocking stuffed."
32KB - Source: Female/Dr. Mary Albright(Jane Curtin)/3rd Rock From The Sun

"To say that you behaved childishly is an insult to children everywhere."
55KB - Source: Female/Dr. Mary Albright(Jane Curtin)/3rd Rock From The Sun

"Once again something wonderful in my life has been turned into a giant crapfest."
46KB - Source: Female/Dr. Mary Albright(Jane Curtin)/3rd Rock From The Sun

"I feel so utterly exposed and vulnerable and not in that fun spanky way."
68KB - Source: Male/Dick Solomon(John Lithgow)3RD Rock From The Sun

"You're gorgeous!"
12KB - Source: Male/Dick Solomon(John Lithgow)3RD Rock From The Sun

"Not in the car, not in the bar, not in the house, not up your blouse. I can not touch you here or there I can not touch you anywhere!"
58KB - Source: Male/Dick Solomon(John Lithgow)3RD Rock From The Sun

"Skinny bar, fat bar fat bar fat bar, skinny bar, fat bar $1.20" "You cracked the bar code?"
81KB - Source: Male/Harry(French Stewart)/ Female/Sally(Kristen Johnston)3rd Rock From The Sun

"Women, you can't live with them, and yet...they're everywhere."
58KB - Source: Male/Harry(French Stewart)/3rd Rock From The Sun

"What I did was wrong. Okay I am scum. I'm a gnat's colon. I'm trash. I'm the scum inside a gnat's colon in the trash."
108KB Source: Male/Titus(Christopher Titus)/Titus

"If I wanted to date a seventeen year old jerk I would have dated you when you were seventeen."
53KB - Source: Female/Erin(Cynthia Watros)/Titus

"Don't get on that ship. The rest of the book "To Serve Man" it's, ...it's a cookbook!"
114KB - Source: Female/The Twilight Zone/To Serve Man

"You are the weakest link - goodbye."
26KB - Source: Female/Anne Robinson/The Weakest Link

"Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back."
89KB - Source: Song/John Sebastian/Welcome Back Kotter

"I don't know, I'm Canadian."
22KB - Source: Male/Colin Mochrie/Whose Line Is It Anyway?

"How do you expect anything in your life to change if you don't change?"
61KB - Source: Female/Will & Grace

"Mom, can I take you to my therapist? Because he thinks I'm making you up."
54KB - Source: Female/Grace(Debra Messing)/Will & Grace

"That is possibly the most vicious thing you have ever said to me. And I'm including the time I got a root perm and you called me pubic head."
73KB - Source: Female/Grace(Debra Messing)/Will & Grace

"Do you think when you insult me you could try to be a little more artful hmm you bucktoothed fairy?"
56KB - Source: Male/Will(Eric McCormack)Will & Grace

"You bitch!"
19KB - Source: Female/Will & Grace

"Yes and no."
26KB - Source: Female/Grace(Debra Messing)/Will & Grace

"Look, I put up with a lot of crap from you. Telling me my chest is on backwards, that my hair is such a disaster the Red Cross won't give it coffee."
130KB - Source: Female/Grace(Debra Messing)Will & Grace

"Well, I guess I'm the only loser with nothing to do on a Saturday night."
50Kb - Source: Female/Friend of Grace/Will & Grace

Grace: "On Christmas Eve grandma Meg lost both of her legs to diabetes." Jack: "And then on Christmas Day she tragically lost both her feet."
109Kb - Source: Male & Female/Jack & Grace(Sean Hayes & Debra Messing)/Will & Grace

"No, I will NOT lower my voice. You're my husband - who the hell else am I going to yell at?!"
53KB - Source: Female/Karen(Megan Mullally)/Will & Grace

"So........how badly do you want it?"
42KB - Source: Female/Karen(Megan Mullally)/Will & Grace

"Don't get your training bra in a twist, I'll be there in twenty minutes."
32KB - Source: Female/Karen(Megan Mullally)/Will & Grace

"Listen to me Chatty Cathy. You keep this to yourself - not a word. We do not speak of this again. Do you understand?"
58KB - Source: Female/Grace(Debra Messing)/Will & Grace

"I have a problem. I don't want your opinion about it, but I do want to tell you what it is, but I don't want your advice on it because it's always wrong."
59KB - Source: Female/Grace(Debra Messing)/Will & Grace

"My love for you is like this scar, ugly but permanent."
57KB - Source: Female/Grace(Debra Messing)/Will & Grace

"Where have you been? I've been trying to call you all day."
21KB - Source: Male/Will(Eric McCormack)/Will & Grace

"You would not believe the day I've had. Guys shouting at me, making lewd comments. It was fantastic!"
63KB - Source: Female/Grace(Debra Messing)/Will & Grace

"Gosh, I'm almost on the verge of not disliking you."
32KB Source: Female/Karen(Megan Mullally)/Will & Grace

"In this house a queen beats a straight every time."
33KB - Source: Male/Will(Eric McCormack)/Will & Grace

"Oh? oh, oh...OHHHH! "
46KB - Source: Males/Will & Grace

"I am a gay man. I sleep with men. I have no desire to sleep with women...not now not ever."
68KB - Source: Male/Will(Eric McCormack)Will & Grace

"These weddings just bring out the worst in me. I see them so happy and in love and it just....makes me bitter."
80KB - Source: Male/Will(Eric McCormack)/Will & Grace

"It's Jack. The man you are going to spend the rest of your life with is Jack. Do you know anybody by the name of Jack?"
82Kb - Source: Female/Fortune Teller/Will & Grace

"Ha ha ha no, no, and YES!"
53KB - Source: Male/Jack(Sean Hayes)Will & Grace

"Don't they teach you anything at homo school?"
22Kb - Source: Female/Karen(Megan Mullally)/Will & Grace

"Oh my God it's finally happened. You've gotten so gay you've looped around to straight again."
64KB - Source: Male/Will(Eric McCormack)/Will & Grace

"Let me ask ya, do you ever regret throwing that big blue diamond in the bottom of the water where the Titanic went down?"
69KB - Source: Male/Jack(Sean Hayes)/Will & Grace

"My God! If my closet were like this I never would have come out of it."
52KB Source: Male/Jack(Sean Hayes)Will & Grace

"Look I'm sorry you're mother causes you so much pain and embarrassment but you've gotta look at it this way...it's incredibly entertaining for me."
90KB - Source: Male/Will(Eric McCormack)/Will & Grace

"How could this happen? I mean this is so unfair."
29KB - Source: Female/Grace(Debra Messing)/Will & Grace

"You know how I always get on your case about the way you dress and the way you do your hair...well...really...when are you going to do something about it?"
107KB - Source: Female/Karen(Megan Mullally)/Will & Grace

"I know you are but what am I?"
15KB - Source: Female/Grace(Debra Messing)/Will & Grace

"What's it all about? Oh wait I don't give a crap."
69KB - Source: Female/Karen(Megan Mullally)/Will & Grace

"I'm also thinking of getting a butt lift. Not surgical, just pay some guy to walk behind me and carry it."
57KB - Source: Female/Friend of Grace/Will & Grace

"I gotta tell you I find these toilets that flush themselves very threatening."
58KB - Source: Female/Rosario(Shelley Morrison)/Will & Grace

"Sometimes I think some work on your communications skills wouldn'd be a bad idea."
78KB Source: Female/Dana Scully(Gillian Anderson)/The X-Files.

"You looking for work? Cause if you are I've got a whole pile of it I'd love to shove down someone's throat"
48KB - Source: Male/Fox Mulder(David Duchovny)/The X-Files

"This is where you pucker up and kiss my ass."
37KB - Source: Male/Walter Skinner(Mitch Pileggi)/The X-Files

"Wow, that is so strange, I just got the weirdest sensation of deja vu. I've been having it all morning. Wow, that is so strange, I just got the weirdest sensation of deja vu. I've been having it all morning"
132KB - Source: Male/Fox Mulder(David Duchovny)/The X-Files

"Does anybody know what the hell is going on!!!?"
53Kb - Source: Female/Dana Scully(Gillian Anderson)/The X-Files.

"You're an invertebrate scumsucker whose moral dipstick is about two drops short of bone dry."
45KB Source: Male/Fox Mulder(David Duchovny)/The X-Files

"Did you ever have one of those days you wish you could just rewind and start all over again?"
34KB - Source: Male/Fox Mulder(David Duchovny)/The X-Files

"Do you or have you ever smoked marijuana?"
33KB - Source: Female/Dana Scully(Gillian Anderson)/The X-Files.

"Having the best damn day of my life. Any moment I'm about to burst into song. Zippity do dah."
61KB - Source: Male/Fox Mulder(David Duchovny)/The X-Files

"I'll have no further contact with you on this matter."
53KB - Source: Male/Deep Throat/The X-Files

"You know, sometimes it just gets hard to smile through it when they ask you to bend down and grab your ankles."
47KB - Source: Male/Fox Mulder(David Duchovny)/The X-Files

"Well it seems to me that the best relationships, the ones that last, are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship."
92Kb - Source: Female/Dana Scully(Gillian Anderson)/The X-Files.

"Look at this, I found it on the Internet."
72KB Source: Female/Dana Scully(Gillian Anderson)/The X-Files.

"It's official. I am a horse's ass."
31Kb - Source: Male/Fox Mulder(David Duchovny)/The X-Files

"Have you checked your email this morning?"
16KB - Source: Female/Dana Scully(Gillian Anderson)/The X-Files.

"May I ask sir what more you require?"
57KB - Source: Female/Dana Scully(Gillian Anderson)/The X-Files.

"I want you to do me a favor. It's not negotiable, either you do it or I kill you. You understand?"
49KB - Source: Female/Dana Scully(Gillian Anderson)/The X-Files.

"Let's hear it, give me the details."
25KB Source: Female/Dana Scully(Gillian Anderson)/The X-Files.

"Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful."
23KB - Source: Male/Fox Mulder(David Duchovny)/The X-Files

"As always we maintain plausible denial."
51KB Source: Male/Cigarette Man/The X-Files

"Do you believe in the existence of extraterrestrials?"
40KB - Source: Male/Fox Mulder(David Duchovny)/The X-Files

"I'd like to know the answer to that myself."
22KB - Source: Female/Xena(Lucy Lawless)/Xena Warrior Princess - (Thanks Christina)

"You see there's been a problem with my computer mainframe, well the modem, the whole network, ram, memory, megabyte, reboot."
128KB - Source: Male/Greg(Anthony Clark)/Yes, Dear

"Well I'm not falsifying tax records I'm a CPA. I could lose my "C" for that and I'd be out on my "A". The guys down at the office are gonna love that one.
34KB - Source: Male/Greg Warner(Anthony Clark) Yes, Dear

"Trust me, these boys are after one thing. And as soon as he finds out you're not going to give it to him - he'll move on. Oh, you already give it to him."
118KB - Source: Female/Kim Warner(Jean Louisa Kelly)/Yes, Dear

"Who makes me smile everyday? You.
Who makes me laugh like no one else? You.
Who makes me believe in true love? You.
Who makes me... me? You."

63KB MP3 - Source: Female/Kim Warner(Jean Louisa Kelly)/Yes, Dear

"A Pretty Girl, A Melody and Me
Our life's a song the tune our family
We write a new life lyric everyday
Love's words we feel but often fail to say
And so I say them now for you to hear
Your are my soul, my heart, my life, my dear."

56KB MP3 - Source: Male/Greg Warner(Anthony Clark)/Yes, Dear

"There are certain opportunities in life you do not squander. This is like discovering oil in your backyard or a rat head in your bucket of chicken."
27KB MP3 - Source: Male/Jimmy Hughes(Mike O'Malley)/Yes, Dear

"I mean you have to make the problem go away."
52KB - Source: Female/Kim Warner(Jean Louisa Kelly)/Yes, Dear

"Bop-it...pull-it...bop-it...owwww!"
59KB - Source: Bop It toy/Yes Dear

"Who makes me smile everyday? You.
Who makes me laugh like no one else? You.
Who makes me believe in true love? You.
Who makes me... me? You."

63KB MP3 - Source: Female/Kim Warner(Jean Louisa Kelly)/Yes, Dear

"It's true, I mean when I'm at work I think about you guys all the time. About providing the nice house for you and great schools for the kids. Maybe some new golf clubs for me but most the time I'm thinking about you and the kids...and a Porsche and a plasma screen TV."
57KB (MP3) - Source: Male/Greg Warner(Anthony Clark)/Yes, Dear

"Yeah, well I like all sorts of science fiction but Star Wars, man how lucky are we to be alive during this era."
84KB - Source: Male/Yes, Dear

"You wanna make an omelette you gotta break a couple of eggs."
30KB - Source: Male/Yes, Dear

"To me the biggest sex organ is the brain. I bet you wear a really big hat."
55KB - Source: Female/Yes, Dear

"God this business makes me sick. It's nothing but a festering snake pit full of back stabbing bastards and hangers on. Welcome aboard honey."
87KB - Source: Male/Mr. Savitsky(Brian Doyle-Murray)Yes, Dear


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