Grandma Betty and the Time Dilation Field

Time dilation is a real thing. Time, like space, can be bent. Time slows the faster you travel. Time also slows down as your gravity field strengthens. Clocks on the ISS (International Space Station) run slower and the astronauts age slower than their counterparts on earth because of their velocity. Although having less gravity in space partially counteracts this affect. To live longer buy a home by the ocean, nearer the earth's core, where gravity is stronger. Avoid the mountains where gravity is weaker. To really slow things down I suggest a summer place out by the nearest black hole.

A "time dilation field" is the product of science fiction. The field is an area where time either travels faster or slower than the surrounding area, depending on the writer's wishes. This comes in very handy if your enemy is technologically more advanced than you. You place them in a time dilation field where every minute that passes for them is a hundred years for you. This gives you "time" to bring your technology up to speed. Of course, with a more advanced species you run the risk they will reverse the field. Then you're screwed.

It strikes me that humans have their own time dilation fields. Our fields aren't affected by gravity or velocity, but through aging. Which is time related as well. My five year old friend, Sloane, appears to be moving at hyper speed, whereas grandma Betty, at ninety-two, has slowed appreciably.

At sixty-four, I find myself flexible enough to speed up for the young and yet willing to slow down for those that are older. Meanwhile, my own time dilation field appears to be s-l-o-w-i-n-g d-o-w-n. Theories for reversing the field would be greatly appreciated.

44oz. Nexxus Therappe Luxurious Moisturizing Shampoo

Please come join me in the shower. You can bring your wine glasses with you. Fear not, the water is off. Is everybody in? Good. I was standing on this very spot last week when I realized my most recent purchase of shampoo would likely outlive me. You see, over the years my hair has thinned considerably. It takes but a nano blob of shampoo to fully lather my complete skull. Unfortunately, I recently purchased this super-colossal bottle of 44oz. Nexxus Therappe Luxurious Moisturizing Shampoo over the Internet. It was an accident, I didn't realize just how much 44oz was, and all the shampoo bottles look about the same size online. Here's the conundrum. What's to be done with the leftover product? It's the shampoo equivalent of buying green bananas in your nineties.

Updating my will, I could leave the 44oz. Nexxus Therappe Luxurious Moisturizing Shampoo to my son-in-law. Unfortunately, he comes from a line of follicle-ly challenged males. So, the 44oz. Nexxus Therappe Luxurious Moisturizing Shampoo could attain the status of family heirloom.

Or it could be lost to history.

I can just visualize the day when my great great grandson purchases the 44oz. Nexxus Therappe Luxurious Moisturizing Shampoo bottle (still half full) via a 3D presentation on his coffee table from the Antiques Roadshow. Oh, he doesn't need more shampoo. This bottle will be part of his "Home Grooming Supplies" from the early 21st century collection. In that future there will be no hair loss, no bad hair days.

As much as we'd like to be remembered as the generation that inaugurated space flight and introduced the Internet, when future generations view our old photographs, what they will see are people with bald spots wearing funny looking glasses. It's just our fate.

You may step out of the shower now.

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