Quote Of The Month
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"You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun." -- Al Capone
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This page is made up of some of the best emails to cross our computers. The Pocket Internet posts them as submitted and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to them.
 Cover Item:
THE AUCTION....
One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He
really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on
bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.
Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the
parrot was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope
this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to
find out that he can't talk!"
"Don't worry." said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept
bidding against you?"
More Email:
THE SAILOR...
via Henry
A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her
life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the
docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her and
said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the
morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take
good care of you and bring you food every day."
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy,
and you'll keep me happy. "The girl nodded yes, after all, what did
she have to lose?
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a
lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a
piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain.'What are you doing here?'
the captain asked. She got up off the deck and explained, "I have an arrangement with one of the
sailors. He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me." The captain looked at her, "He sure is lady, this is the Staten Island Ferry."
Even More Email:
THE WATCH...
via Oracle Humor List
A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very
attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his
watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just
testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about
it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am
wearing panties!"
The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."
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