Quote Of The Month
"One day as I came home early from work .... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy... 'Hey buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early'" --Dangerfield
This page is made up of some of the best emails to cross our computers. The Pocket Internet posts them as submitted and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to them.
 Cover Item:
THINGS WE WOULDN'T KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIES
via Ms. Taylor
Large, loft apartments in New York City are plentiful
and affordable, even if the tenants are unemployed.
One of a pair of identical twins is evil.
Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry about
which wire to cut. You will always choose the right
one.
It doesn't matter if you are greatly outnumbered in a
fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait
patiently to attack you one by one... dancing around
in a threatening manner until you have dispatched
their predecessors.
When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything
in your bedroom will still be clearly visible but
slightly blue.
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to be a
world-famous expert on nuclear fussion, dinosaurs,
hieroglyphics, or anything else, at the age of 22.
Honest and hard-working policemen are usually gunned
down a day or two before retirement.
Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to
kill their enemies using complex machinery involving
fuses, deadly gasses, lasers, buzz saws and hungry
sharks, all of which will give their captives at least
20 minutes to escape.
During all crime investigations, it is necessary to
visit a strip club at least once.
All beds have special L-shaped covers that reach up to
the armpits of a woman but only to the waist of the
man lying beside her.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect
hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for
you in there, and you can travel to any other part of
the building without difficulty.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war
unless you make the mistake of showing someone a
picture of your sweetheart back home.
A man will show no pain while taking the most horrific
beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean
his wounds.
If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate
any strange noises in their most diaphanous underwear,
which is what they happened to be wearing when the car
broke down.
If someone says "I'll be right back", they won't.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices
with large red readouts so you know exactly when
they're going to go off.
A police detective can only solve a case after he has
been suspended from duty.
Police departments give their officers personality
tests to make sure each is assigned a partner who is
their total opposite.
More Email:
BLACK PANTIES
via Henry
Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out
of her depression; mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter
constantly calls her and urges her to get back into the world.
Finally, Sadie agrees to go out, but she doesn't know anyone. Her daughter
immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for you to meet."
Well, he was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating
for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. And
we know what that means.
Their first night there she undresses. There she stood nude except for a
pair of black lacy panties. He in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks
"Why the panties?"
She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but
down there I am still in mourning." He knows he's not getting lucky
that night.
The following night the same scenario. Her standing
there with the black panties on and he in his birthday suit; except that he
has an erection on which he has a black condom. She looks at him and asks,
"What's with this... a black condom?" He replies, "I'm going to offer my
condolences."
Even More Email:
REAL ANSWERS
via Deb T.
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