This page is made up of some of the best emails to cross our computers. The Pocket Internet posts them as submitted and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to them. Cover Item:  When Books Get Merged - via Ms. Taylor "Green Eggs and Hamlet" Would you kill him in his bed? Thrust a dagger through his head? I would not, could not, kill the King. I could not do that evil thing. I would not wed this girl, you see. Now get her to a nunnery. (Robin Parry, Arlington) "Machiavelli's The Little Prince" Antoine de Saint-Exupery's classic children's tale as presented by Machiavelli. The whimsy of human nature is embodied in many delightful and intriguing characters, all of whom are executed. (Erik Anderson, Tempe, Ariz.) "Fahrenheit 451 of the Vanities" An '80s yuppie is denied books. He does not object, or even notice. (Mike Long, Burke) "Where's Walden?" Alas, the challenge of locating Henry David Thoreau in each richly-detailed drawing loses its appeal when it quickly becomes clear that he is always in the woods. (Sandra Hull, Arlington) "Catch-22 in the Rye" Holden learns that if you're insane, you'll probably flunk out of prep school, but if you're flunking out of prep school, you're probably not insane. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills) "2001: A Space Iliad" The Hal 9000 computer wages an insane 10- year war against the Greeks after falling victim to the Y2K bug. (Joseph Romm, Washington) "The Maltese Faulkner" Is the black bird a tortured symbol of Sam's struggles with race and family? Does it signify his decay of soul along with the soul of the Old South? Is it merely a crow, mocking his attempts to understand? Or is it worth a cool mil? (Thad Humphries, Warrenton) "Jane Eyre Jordan" Plucky English orphan girl survives hardships to lead the Chicago Bulls to the NBA championship. (Dave Pickering, Bowie) "The Scarlet Pimpernel Letter" An 18th-century English nobleman leads a double life, freeing comely young adulteresses from the prisons of post-Revolution France. "The Invisible Man of La Mancha" Don Quixote discovers a mysterious elixir which renders him invisible. He proceeds to go on a mad rampage of corruption and terror, attacking innocent people in the streets and all the while singing "To fight the Invisible Man!" until he is finally stopped by a windmill. "Singing in the Black Rain" A gang of vicious Japanese druglords beat the daylights out of Gene Kelly. "Of Three Blind Mice and Men" Burgess Meredith has his limbs hacked off by a psychopathic farmer's wife. Did you ever see such a sight in your life? "Planet of the Grapes of Wrath" Astronaut lands on mysterious planet, only to discover that it is his very own home planet of Earth, which has been taken over by the Joads, a race of dirt-poor corn farmers who miraculously developed rudimentary technology and evolved the ability to speak after exposure to nuclear radiation. "Paradise Lost in Space" Satan, Moloch, and Belial are sentenced to spend eternity in a flying saucer with a goofy robot, an evil scientist, and 2 annoying children. "The Exorstentialist" Camus psychological thriller about a priest who casts out a demon by convincing it that there's really no purpose to what it's doing. Return to index of Pocket Humor pages... CLICK HERE TO REQUEST THE POCKET'S MONTHLY NEWSLETTER Check Out This Month's Newsletter Copyright © 1996-2001 thepocket.com All rights reserved.