Quote Of The Month
Sign over urinal - Express Lane: Five beers or less.
-- Unknown
 Cover Item:
"Six Easy Questions"
via Gordon
(Q1) WHAT DO YOU PUT IN A TOASTER?
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ANSWER: "BREAD"
IF YOU SAID "TOAST" THEN GIVE UP NOW AND GO AND
FIND YOURSELF A SHOE BOX AS YOU CAN'T HANDLE LIFE.
IF YOU SAID "BREAD" THEN PLEASE PROGRESS ON TO QUESTION 2.
(Q2) SAY "SILK" 5 TIMES, NOW SPELL "SILK".....WHAT DO COWS DRINK?
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ANSWER: "WATER"
IF YOU SAID "MILK," THEN MAY I SUGGEST THAT YOU DO NOT TRY THE
NEXT QUESTION, AS IT MAY SEEM THAT YOUR BRAIN CELL IS OVER - TAXED,
YOU NEED A HOLIDAY. MAY I SUGGEST CHILDREN'S WORLD?
IF YOU SAID "WATER" THEN YOU MAY GO ONTO QUESTION 3.
(Q3) IF A RED HOUSE IS MADE FROM RED BRICKS, A BLUE HOUSE IS MADE
OUT OF BLUE BRICKS, A PINK HOUSE IS MADE OUT OF PINK BRICKS, A BLACK
HOUSE IS MADE OUT OF BLACK BRICKS - WHAT IS A GREEN HOUSE MADE OUT OF?
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ANSWER: "GLASS"
IF YOU SAID "GREEN BRICKS" THEN WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
STILL DOING HERE READING THESE QUESTIONS!!!!
IF YOU SAID "GLASS" THEN PLEASE PROGRESS ONTO QUESTION 4.
(Q4) 20 YEARS AGO A PLANE IS FLYING AT 20,000 FT, OVER THE OLD
COUNTRY GERMANY WHEN 2 OF THE ENGINES FAIL, THE PILOT REALIZING THAT THE
LAST REMAINING ENGINE WAS FAILING, HE DECIDES A CRASH LANDING PROCEDURE,
BUT UNFORTUNATELY THE ENGINE FAILS BEFORE TIME AND THE PLANE CRASHES
SMACK BANG IN THE MIDDLE OF "NO MANS LAND" THE LAND BETWEEN EAST GERMANY
AND WEST GERMANY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BERLIN WALL. WHERE WOULD
YOU BURY THE SURVIVORS? EAST GERMANY, WEST GERMANY OR IN "NO MANS LAND"?
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ANSWER: YOU DON'T BURY "SURVIVORS."
IF YOU SAID ANYTHING OTHER THAN THE SENTENCE ABOVE THEN PLEASE
NEVER FLY, YOU MAY CAUSE MORE DAMAGE SHOULD THE PLANE CRASH!!!
IF YOU SAID THE SENTENCE ABOVE THEN CARRY ON TO QUESTION 5.
Q5) IF ON A CLOCK THE HOUR HAND MOVES 1/60th OF A DEGREE EVERY
MINUTE THEN HOW MANY DEGREES WILL THE HOUR HAND TRAVEL IN 1 HOUR?
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ANSWER: "1 DEGREE."
IF YOU SAID "360 DEGREES", OR ANYTHING OTHER THAN THE
ANSWER, MAY I CONGRATULATE YOU ON GETTING THIS FAR, BUT BE HONEST
WITH YOURSELF, DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE THE LAST AND FINAL QUESTION?
IF YOU SAID "1 DEGREE" THEN PLEASE GO ON TO THE LAST QUESTION.
Q6) **WITHOUT USING A CALCULATOR** YOU ARE DRIVING A BUS FROM
LONDON TO MILFORD HAVEN (WALES) IN LONDON 17 PEOPLE GET ON THE BUS, IN
READING 6 PEOPLE GET OFF, 9 PEOPLE GET ON, IN SWINDON 2 PEOPLE GET OFF, 4
PEOPLE GET ON, IN CARDIFF 11 PEOPLE GET OFF, 16 PEOPLE GET ON, IN SWANSEA
3 PEOPLE GET OFF, 5 PEOPLE GET ON, IN CARMARTHEN, 6 PEOPLE GET OFF, 3
PEOPLE GET ON, THE BUS THEN PULLS INTO MILFORD HAVEN BUS DEPOT.
WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THE BUS DRIVER?
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ANSWER: "YOUR NAME." READ THE FIRST LINE
More Email:
"Hollywood Squares Questions & Answers"
via Henry
Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump,
you should be at least how high?
A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years?
A: George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes...
Q: You've been having trouble going to sleep.
Are you probably a man or a woman?
A: Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your
hands while you are talking?
A: Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter...and
I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!
Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist
camps. One is politics. What is the other?
A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A: Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail.
What will a goose do?
A: Paul Lynde: Make him bark.
Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and
has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A: Charley Weaver: His feet.
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