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 Cover Item:
The Real Man Test
- via Ms. Taylor
Note: All "real men" answer "C" to all of these questions. Knowing this,
women will have come far in understanding men and enriching their own lives
if they carefully review the "C" answers.
1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are
the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they
present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable
of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping
out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence
all over the entire Earth. You decide to:
A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.
2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss
the most?
A. Innocence.
B. Idealism.
C. Cherry bombs.
3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for
narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the Pope. (Not on the lips.)
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really
sportsman-like way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to
have him killed.
4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.
5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and
intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday
afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You're watching a football
game; she's reading the papers when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky,
tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no longer bear
the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says
she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe
that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?
A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't
want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you can not honestly
say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you
don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Broncos called a draw play on third and
seventeen.
6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to
spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows the
world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?
A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and
when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing through her hair and the
stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?
7. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so
large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your
legs.
B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to
be handled with tweezers.
C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear.
Note: A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody and we are
not naming names, but this would be his wife who is quietly trying to discard
his underwear (which she is frankly jealous of because the guy seems to
have a more intimate relationship with it than with her).
8. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. Remote control.
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