 Cover Item:
"The Senior Citizen"
via Lynne
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the Texas dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
'Amazing,' he thought as he flew down I-10 toward San Antonio, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, 'What am I doing? I'm too old for this,' and pulled over to await the Patrolman's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the Patrolman walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.'
The old gentleman paused. Then said, 'Years ago, my wife ran off with an Texas Highway Patrolman. I thought you were bringing her back.'
'Have a good day, Sir,' replied the Patrolman.
The Middle Item:
"Skinny Dipping"
via Lynne
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back.
It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and looks it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting And laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'
Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'
Some old men can still think fast.
The Last Item:
"Senior Dating"
via Lynne
Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking.
Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you
went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him
before I give him my answer."
Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7
P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me
such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there
but a luxury car. A limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all.
Then he takes me out for dinner. A marvelous dinner. Lobster,
champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks.Then we go see a show. Let
me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from
pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into
an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and
has his way with me two times!"
Dorothy: "Goodness gracious! So you are telling me I shouldn't go
out with him?"
Edna: "No, no, no... I'm just saying, wear an old dress."
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