 Cover Item:
"At The Bar"
via Henry
Having already downed a few power drinks, she turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said...
"Listen up, buddy I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean - it doesn't matter to me. I just love it."
Eyes now wide with interest, he responded...
"No kidding. I'm a lawyer, too. What firm are you with?"
The Middle Item:
"Liberal or Conservative?"
via Netfunny
How do you tell the difference between a liberal and a conservative?
Easy. Watch a man drowning fifty feet offshore.
The conservative will throw out 25 feet of rope and shout "swim for it!"
The liberal will toss out 50 feet of rope, drop his own end, and go off to do another good deed.
The Last Item:
"First Date"
via Netfunny
On their first date, Joe took Rose to the carnival. When he asked her what she wanted to do first, Rose replied, "Get weighed."
So Joe took her to the man with the scale who guesses your weight. He looked at Rose and said, "One hundred and twenty pounds." Since Rose weighed in at one seventeen, she collected a prize.
Next they went on the roller coaster. When the ride was finished, Joe asked Rose what she wanted to do next. "Get weighed," she said. So they went back to the man with the scale, who of course guessed Rose's weight correctly. Leaving without a prize, they went for a ride on the merry-go-round. After they got off, Joe asked Rose what she wanted to do next. "I want to get weighed!" she said again.
Now Joe began to think this girl was quite strange, and decided to end the evening quickly. He left her at the door with a quick handshake.
Rose's roommate was waiting up for her return and asked how the evening went.
"Wousy!" Rose replied.
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