 Cover Item:
"Some Quick Ones"
via 100 Funniest Jokes
A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?"
The guy says: "I make a good living." (Henny Youngman)
When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter. (Emo Philips)
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for thirty six hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for thirty-six hours. (Rita Rudner)
If this is coffee, please bring me some tea. If this is tea, please bring me some coffee. (Abraham Lincoln)
This greasy spoon restaurant was so bad, on the menu there were even flies in the pictures. (Richard Lewis)
The Middle Item:
"The Old Guy"
via 100 Funniest Jokes
A Jewish guy goes into a confession box. "Father O’Malley," he says, "my name is Emil Cohen. I’m seventy eight years old. Believe it or not, I’m currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I’ve never felt better."
"My good man," says the priest, "I think you’ve come to the wrong place. Why are you telling me?" And the guy goes: "I’m telling everybody!"
The Last Item:
"The Snail"
via 100 Funniest Jokes
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"
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