 Cover Item:
"Bad Bird"
via PolskiInternet.com
A man buys a parrot from a pet shop. The parrot is highly intelligent but all he ever does is swear. Day and night the parrot shouts out obscene words and phrases until one day the man decides to teach him a lesson.
He is standing in the kitchen with the parrot, constantly swearing, seated on his shoulder. The man tells the parrot that if he doesn't stop swearing he is going to open the door of his freezer and throw him in. The parrot laughs and tells him that he wouldn't dare.
The parrot ignores the threat and sure enough, the man opens his freezer, grabs the bird by its neck, throws him inside and slams it shut. The bird bangs constantly on the door asking to be let out and promises never to swear again.
After about 5 minutes the man agrees to give the bird one more chance and places him back on his shoulder.
After a few minutes the parrot has warmed up again and asks the man, "What did the chicken do?"
The Middle Item:
"Still Standing"
via PolskiInternet.com
One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class. He stood up in front of the class and said:
"Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?" After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up. "Well, hello there sir. So you actually think you're a moron?" The professor asked.
The kid replied: "No sir, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."
The Last Item:
"Force of Habit"
via PolskiInternet.com
"Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door. "Nice tits," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"
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