 Cover Item:
"Taxi Driver"
via D. Taylor
A minister has just died and is standing in line waiting to be judged
and admitted to Heaven. While waiting he asks the man in front of him about
himself. The man says, "I am a taxi driver from New York City."
The angel standing at the gate calls out "next," and the taxi driver
steps up. The angel hands him a golden staff and a cornucopia of fruits,
cheeses, and wine and lets him pass. The taxi driver is quite pleased, and
proceeds through the gates.
Next, the minister steps up to the angel who hands him a wooden staff
and some bread and water.
The minister is very concerned and asks the angel, "That guy is a taxi
driver and gets a golden staff and a cornucopia! I spend my entire life
as a minister and get nothing! How can that be?"
The angel replies, "Up here we judge on results. All of your people
sleep through your sermons. In his taxi, they pray."
The Middle Item:
"Things You'd Never Know Without
Watching TV"
via G. Green
Beds have strange L-shaped top sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
The Last Item:
"Italian Advice"
via G. Green
As an old Italian Mafia Don lay dying he called his grandson to his bed.
"Grandson, I wanna you lisin to me. I want for you to take my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But," whined the grandson, "I really don't like guns, Grandpa. How about leaving me your Gold Rolex Watch instead."
"You lisinna to me," responded the Don. "Somma day you goina be runna da bussiness. You gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambino. Somma day you gona coma home and maybe finda you wife in bed with another man. Whatta do you goina do then? Point to you watch and say, 'Times up?'"
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