Quote Of The Month
"Perhaps I am still very much of an American. That is to say, naive, optimistic, gullible.... In the eyes of a European, what am I but an American to the core, an American who exposes his Americanism like a sore. Like it or not, I am a product of this land of plenty, a believer in superabundance, a believer in miracles."
- Henry Miller
 Cover Item:
"All Heart"
via G. Green
While visiting his nephew, Les's elderly uncle had a heart attack. Paramedics were called and he was rushed to the emergency room. After what seemed like a very long wait, the ER doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face.
Sadly, he said, "I'm afraid that your uncle is brain dead, but his heart is still beating." "Oh, dear," cried Les, his hands clasped against his cheeks with shock, "We've never had a liberal in the family before!"
The Middle Item:
"Cowology"
via Ellie S.
DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbra Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.
The Last Item:
"Naked In The Pond"
via Henry S.
An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years. He had a
large pond in the back, fixed up nice;
picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond
was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he
hadn't been there for a while, and look it
over.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with
glee. As he came closer he saw it was a
bunch of young women skinny dipping in
his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all
went to the deep end of the pond.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you
leave!"
The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies
swim or make you get out of the pond
naked."
"I only came to feed the alligator."
Moral: Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and
inexperience.
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