Quote Of The Month
"Will Rogers never met the Clintons."
-- Unknown
 Cover Item:
"Aging"
via Henry
George Carlin's View on Aging
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is
when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about
aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four and a
half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on
five! That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the
next number, or even a few ahead. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16! "You
could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16!
And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21. Even the words
sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21...
YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like
bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just
a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed? You've BECOME 21, You TURN
30, then you're PUSHING 40.
Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away! Before you know it, you
REACH 50 . . . and your dreams are gone. But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60.
You didn't think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and
MAKE it to 60. You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70!
After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! You get into your
80's
and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; You TURN 4:30; you REACH
bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90's, you start going
backwards; "I was JUST 92."
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little
kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!
More Email:
"The One Quantum Physics Joke"
via
Every Friday afternoon, a mathematician goes down to the bar, sits in the second-to-last seat, turns to the last seat, which is empty, and asks a girl who isn't there if he can buy her a drink.
The bartender, who is used to weird university types, always shrugs but keeps quiet. But when Valentine's Day arrives, and the mathematician makes a particularly heart-wrenching plea into empty space, curiosity gets the better of the bartender, and he says,
"I apologize for my stupid questions, but surely you know there is NEVER a woman sitting in that last stool. Why do you persist in asking out empty space?"
The mathematician replies, "Well, according to quantum physics, empty space is never truly empty. Virtual particles come into existence and vanish all the time. You never know when the proper wave function will collapse and a girl might suddenly appear there."
The bartender raises his eyebrows. "Really? Interesting. But couldn't you just ask one of the girls who comes here every Friday if you could buy HER a drink? Never know-she might say yes."
The mathematician laughs. "Yeah, right -- how likely is THAT to happen?"
|
