 Cover Item:
"Liberal vs Conservative"
via G. Green
How do you tell the difference between a Liberal and a Conservative?
Pose the following question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the
corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.
You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere
seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
Liberal Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man
look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire
him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about
the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife
out ofhis hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock
have an appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this
send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just
killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he
was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and
weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage
such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days
and try to come to a consensus.
Conservative Answer:
BANG!
The Middle Item:
"Japanese Computer Error Messages"
via G. Green
The Web site you seek cannot be located, but countless
more exist.
Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return.
Program aborting: Close all that you have worked on. You ask far too
much.
Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your
screams.
Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that.
Your file was so big. It might be very useful. But now it is gone.
Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is
down.
A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
The Last Item:
"The Fortune"
via D. Taylor
Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, a man decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his
breath away "I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but in
just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
The woman went home with the man, and the next day she became his
stepmother.
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