Quote Of The Month
"There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that."
- Steve Martin on marriage.
 Cover Item:
"Counter Measures"
via Bruce
As we all know, the Taliban & Al Qaeda consider it a
sin for a man to see a naked woman who is not his wife and, certainly, for a
woman to show herself naked to a man other than her husband.
So, this Saturday at 2:00 PM (each time zone) all
American women are asked to walk out of their houses completely naked to help
weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for at
least one hour (weather permitting) is recommended for this urgent
anti-terrorist effort.
All American men are to position themselves in lawn
chairs in front of their houses to prove they are not Taliban or Al Qaeda,
demonstrating that they think it's okay to see nude women other than their
wives and to show their support for all American women in this patriotic
effort.
And since the Taliban & Al Qaeda also do not approve
of alcohol, a cold six-pack (or 2) at your side is further proof of your
anti-Taliban/anti-terrorist sentiment. Force yourself, as a patriot,
to drink at least a little. It would also be very supportive if the men
would have some refreshments to offer the women as they
walk past, especially if the weather is very cold or very warm.
America appreciates your efforts to root out
terrorists and applauds
your
participation in this anti-terrorist activity. (Duct
tape optional!)
God Bless America!
More Email:
"One Wish"
via Stalley
A man walking along a California beach was deep in
prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud, "Lord grant
me one wish."
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in
a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have
been faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you
one wish".
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive
over anytime I want to."
The Lord said, "Your request is extremely materialistic.
Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The
supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific!
The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but
it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.
Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish
you think would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said,
"Lord, I have been married and divorced four times. All
of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I
wish that I could understand women. I want to know how
they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give
me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean
when they say "nothing", and how I can make a woman
truly happy."
After a few minutes God said, "You want two lanes or four
on that bridge?"
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