 Cover Item:
"Sorry About That"
via Funny Stories
A guy is sitting at the bar enjoying a draft beer
when a great looking young woman sits down beside him and gives
him a dynamite smile. Just as he's figuring out his opening line, she
says in a loud indignant voice that the whole bar can hear, "Your
apartment! Absolutely not!" and she gets up and stomps off to the
other end of the bar. He sits there in confusion and embarrassment,
nursing his beer and wondering how to get out of there.
After a while, she comes back, sits next to him again, and says in a
low voice. "Look, I'm sorry about that. I'm a graduate student in
psychology and I'm conducting an experiment to see how people react in
unexpected stressful situations. Please accept my apology and let me
pay for your beer."
The guy stands up indignantly and says at the top of his voice, "A
hundred dollars?!"
The Middle Item:
"Gift Horse"
via Funny Stories
An old man is lying on his deathbed with his children, grandchildren, and older great-grandchildren all around, teary-eyed at the approaching finale of a very long and productive life. The old man is in a terminal coma, and the doctors have confirmed that the waiting will be over within the next twenty-four hours. Suddenly, the old man opens his eyes and croaks: "I must be dreaming of heaven! I smell your grandmother's strudel!"
"No, grandfather, you are not dreaming. Grandmother is baking strudel now."
"I know I will never have another taste of her delicious strudel after this one. Could you please go down and get me a piece?", the old man begs with what is left of his final breath.
One of the grandchildren is immediately dispatched to honor the old man's last request. After a long time, he returns empty-handed.
"Did you bring me one last piece of your grandmother's delicious strudel?" the old man plaintively queries.
"I'm very sorry, grandfather, but she says it's for the funeral."
The Last Item:
"COLONOSCOPIES"
via D. Taylor
"A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies.
"Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"
"Can you hear me NOW?"
"You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
"Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
"Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
"If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
"Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there."
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