 Cover Item:
"Air Traffic Control Conversations "
via H. Stevenson
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Tower: Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
O'Hare Control: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little
Fokker in sight."
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority
landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit
peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number
two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.
"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,
after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and
yes, we copied Eastern. We've already notified our caterers."
The Middle Item:
"The Constable"
via G. Green
An Irishman stumbles out of a bar and is spied by a Constable. The Constable approches...
C: "Can I help ya lad?"
I: "Yea, SSSSomebody ssstol my car!"
C: "Well, wheer was ya car last time ya saw it?"
I: "It twas at the end of tiss key!" (he held up a key already in his hand) At this time the constable notices the Irishman has his manhood out.
C: "Hey, Ar ya aware ya expoosing yaself?"
I: "Ohh God, They got me girl too!"
The Last Item:
"New Medicines"
via Ellie S.
St. Mom's Wort
Plant extract that treats mom's depression
by rendering preschoolers unconscious for
up to six hours.
Flipitor
Increases life expectancy of commuters by
controlling road rage and the urge to flip off
other drivers.
Antiboyotics
When administered to teenage girls, is highly
effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and
reducing money spent on make-up.
Buyagra
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
JackAsspirin
Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't remember your
birthday,anniversary or phone number.
Ragamet
When administered to a husband, provides the
same irritation as ragging on him all weekend,
saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
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