Quote Of The Month
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
- Jack Nicholson
 Cover Item:
"Do You Remember?"
via D. Taylor
When all the girls had ugly gym uniforms?
When it took five minutes for the TV warm up?
When nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got home
from school?
When nobody owned a purebred dog?
When a quarter was a decent allowance?
When your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?
When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas
pumped, without asking, all for free, every time? And you didn't pay for air?
And, you got trading stamps to boot?
When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden
inside the box?
When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to
dinner at a real restaurant with your parents?
When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they
failed ...and they did?
When a 57 Chevy was everyone's dream car...to cruise, peel
out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady?
Lying on your back in the grass with your friends and
saying things like "That cloud looks like a .", and playing
baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game?
When being sent to the principal's office was nothing
compared to the fate that awaited the student at home? Basically
we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by
shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a
much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was
greater than the threat.
Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-moe"?
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "Do Over!"?
Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire
evening?
It wasn't odd to have two or three "Best Friends"?
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex
was "cooties"?
Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a
slingshot?
A foot of snow was a dream come true?
"Olly-olly-oxen-free" made perfect sense?
Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause
for giggles?
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team?
Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a
motorcycle?
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?
If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!!!!! Pass this on to anyone
who may need a break from their "grown-up" life.
I double-dog-dare-ya!
More Email:
"The Suburbanites"
via G. Green
GOD: St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What is going on down there in the USA? What happened to the dandelions,violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attract butterflies, honeybees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.
ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers weeds and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it, sometimes twice a week.
GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS: No, sir -- just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.
ST. FRANCIS: You'd better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about ...
GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
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