 Cover Item:
"Teachers and Students"
via Lynne
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using the tables.
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
The Middle Item:
"Sportsman's Double"
via Lynne
I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.
She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at
all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot
daughter.
We drank a bit, and we had a bit of a snuggle, and she asked if I ever
had a 'Sportsman's Double?'
'What's that?' I asked.
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
'Oh...' I said as my mind began to embrace the idea, 'No, I haven't.'
And I wondered what this daughter of hers might look like. We drank a
bit more, then she says with a wink that tonight was my lucky night.
I went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
'Mom, you still awake'?
The Last Item:
"Car Tickets"
via Lynne
I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a city cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a person a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires. So I called him a horse's butt. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes.. the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care, my car was parked around the corner.
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