 Cover Item:
"Random One-Liners"
via Charlie
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
The Middle Item:
"Little Johnny"
via G. Green
A new teacher was trying to make use of her
psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, "Everyone who
thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid,
Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all
by yourself!"
------------------------------------------
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field
trip to their local police station where they saw
pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted
criminals.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked
if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very
badly to capture him."
Little Johnny asked,
"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
The Last Item:
"Senior Moment"
via G. Green
An elderly gentleman, in his mid 90's, with hair well groomed, a great looking suit, a flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a very nice aftershave, and presenting a well-cared-for image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.
Seated at the bar an elderly lady, mid 80's, also well dressed and attractive is sitting alone.
The gentleman walks over, sits down beside her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says,
"So tell me, do I come here often?
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