 Cover Item:
"The Parking Spot"
via G. Green
One night a cop was patrolling a well known parking spot when he saw a couple in a car, with the interior light on. As he got closer to the car and saw a young man behind the wheel reading a computer magazine and a young woman on the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the officer walked to the car and knocked on the window.
The young man lowered his window and said, "Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?"
"Well, isn't it obvious? I'm reading a PC magazine."
Pointing toward the young woman, the cop asked, "And her, what is she doing?"
The young man shrugged. "I believe she's knitting a pullover."
The cop was totally confused. A young couple alone sitting in a car at night, doing nothing but reading and knitting!
"What's your age, young man?"
"I'm 19, sir."
"And her, what's her age?"
The young man looked at his watch and said,"She'll be 18 in 20 minutes."
The Middle Item:
"Consolidations"
via G. Green
In the wake of the Exxon/Mobile deal and the AOL/Time Warner implode, be
aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground
floor and make some BIG bucks.
Watch for these consolidations in 2004:
1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller
Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. will merge and become:
Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.
2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and
become: Poly, Warner-Cracker.
3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and issue forth as:
MMMGood
4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and
Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.
5. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will
become: Fairwell Honeychild.
6. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to
become: Poupon Pants.
7. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of
Women will become: Knott NOW!
That's all for now.....invest wisely!
The Last Item:
"More Signs"
via G. Green
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."
At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
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