 Cover Item:
"Newspaper Headlines"
via funny.net
Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
Milk drinkers are turning to powder
Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
Iraqi head seeks arms
Queen Mary having bottom scraped
Child's stool great for use in garden
Eye drops off shelf
Miners refuse to work after death
War dims hope for peace
Cold wave linked to temperatures
Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
British Left Waffles on Falkan Islands
The Middle Item:
"The Silent Parrot"
via netfunny.com
A guy has a parrot that can sing and speak beautifully. He takes it to the synagogue on Rosh Hashonah and makes a wager that the bird can conduct the High Holiday service better than the temple’s cantor. When the big moment comes, though, the parrot is silent. The guy is outraged. He takes the bird home and is about to kill it when the bird finally speaks: "Schmuck! Think of the odds we’ll get on Yom Kippur!"
The Last Item:
"Tattoos"
via netfunny.com
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I’m thinking, okay, here’s a gal who’s capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future. (Richard Jeni)
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