 Cover Item:
"Shark Pool"
via Funnymail.com
A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his
fiftieth birthday. During this party he grabs the mic and he
announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he
has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. I will
give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across
that pool.
So the party continues with no events in the pool, until
SUDDENLY, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party
run to the pool to see what has happened, and in the pool is a
man and he is swimming as hard as he can. The fins come out of
the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on
going. The sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end
and he gets out of the pool, wet and soaked. The millionaire
grabs the mic and says, "I am a man of his word, anything of mine
I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you
are the bravest man I have ever seen."
"So sir what will it be?" the millionaire asks. The guy grabs the
mic and says, "Why don't we start with the name of the bastard
that pushed me in!"
The Middle Item:
"The Lion Tamers"
via Funnymail.com
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people
show up. One is a good looking lad in his mid-twenties and the
other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it --
this is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys
better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment: chair,
whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the
whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion
starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way
there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked
body.
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her
and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves,
kisses them and rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He says, "I've never
seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the young
man and asks, "Can you top that?"
The young man replies. "No problem, just get that lion out of the
way."
The Last Item:
"Lab Rabbit"
via funnymail.com
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where
he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the
fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and
saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.
"Wow, this is great," he thought. It wasn't long before he came
to a hedge and after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight
- lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush
grass.
"Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just
escaped. Are you wild rabbits?"
"Yes. Come and join us," they cried. Our friend hopped over to
them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. "What else
do you wild rabbits do?" he asked.
"Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got
carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them." This, he
couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most
succulent carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he asked them
again, "What else do you do?"
"You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat
that as well." The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a
while later completely full.
"It's fantastic out here in the world!" he told them.
"So, are you going to live with us then?" one of them asked.
"I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't." The wild rabbits all
stared at him, a bit surprised. "Why? We thought you liked it
here."
"I do," our friend replied. "But I must get back to the lab. I'm
dying for a cigarette."
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