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 Cover Item:
THE STOCK MARKET REPORT
via Taylor
Helium was up, feathers were down.
Paper was stationary.
Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remained unchanged.
The market for raisins dried up
Cola Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
More Email:
MADE UP COUNTRY SONG TITLES
via Taylor
From New York magazine:
Whacked Between the Eyes with the Two-by-Four of Love
Her Coffee's So Bad, I've Got Grounds for Divorce
I'm Sending No More E-mail to My Female
She Walked with Her Hair Held High
Ain't No Trash Been in My Trailer Since the Night I Threw You Out
Baked My Sweetie a Pie but He Left with a Tart
The Peach I Picked in Georgia Didn't Cling to Me for Long
My Baby Put Me Through the Wringer and then Stole the Washer from My
Front Porch
I've Got a Rambler in My Driveway and a Rover in My Bed
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