Quote Of The Month
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What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH? -- A blonde going through a flashing red light.
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This page is made up of some of the best emails to cross our computers. The Pocket Internet posts them as submitted and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to them.
 Cover Item:
IN YOUR DREAMS
via Mary Kay
A young single guy finds himself stranded on a deserted island.
As he washes ashore, he sees a women passed out in the sand.
Able to perform CPR on her, he saves her life. Suddenly, he
realizes that the woman is Cindy Crawford.
Immediately, Cindy falls in love with the man. Days and weeks
go by, and they're making passionate love morning, noon and night.
True Heaven on earth in the man's eyes.
Alas, one day she notices he's looking kind of glum. "What's
the matter, sweetheart?" she asks. "We have a wonderful life
together and I'm in love with you. Is there something wrong?
Is there anything I can do?"
He says, "Actually, Cindy, there is. Would you mind, putting
on my shirt and pants?"
"Sure," she says," if it'll help." He takes off his shirt and
pants and she puts it on.
"Okay, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little mustache
on your face?" he asks.
"Whatever you want, sweetie," she says, and does so.
Then he says, "Now, would you start walking around the edge of
the island?"
She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He
sets off in the other direction. They meet up half way around
the island a few minutes later. He rushes up to her, grabs her
by the shoulders, and says, "Dude! You'll never believe who I'm
sleeping with!"
More Email:
SPECIAL OFFER
via Mary Kay
A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another
nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.
The first nerd was stunned and asked, "Where did you get such
a nice bike?"
The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking home
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me
on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all
her clothes and said, "Take what you want!"
The second nerd nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."
Even More Email:
Airplane Problems and Solutions
via Steve B.
P = The problem logged by the pilot
S = The solution by the maintenance engineers
P - Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S - Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P - Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S - Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
P - Something loose in cockpit.
S - Something tightened in cockpit.
P - Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S - Evidence removed.
P - DME volume unbelievably loud.
S - Volume set to more believable level.
P - Friction locks cause throttles to stick.
S - That's what they're there for.
P - IFF inoperative.
S - IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P - Number 3 engine missing.
S - Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P - Aircraft handles funny.
S - Aircraft warned to "Straighten Up, Fly Right, and Be Serious."
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